More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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