I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
