we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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