I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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