you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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