i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
