You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
