He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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