my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
