I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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