I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
