so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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