Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
