If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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