3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
