So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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