Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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