I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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