Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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