is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
