I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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