Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
