I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I need a burrito and a hug.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
