haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
