Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
