I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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