When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
