Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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