Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
