the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I believe in your delicious
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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