OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
