Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
