i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
