four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
