No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
