his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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