Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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