I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
