I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
