Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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