garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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