I think my vagina is haunted
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
