Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize