also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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