I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
