I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Duck Duck Cougar?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
