i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
