Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
