pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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