Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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