sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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