Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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