I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You pole danced in your parka.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
