I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
