Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
