yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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