Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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