fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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