He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
