how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
