I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
