Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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