What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize