what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
