Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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