Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
