I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
