That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
