you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
