Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
