I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
