I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize