im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
