Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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