and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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