Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
