Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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