my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
